i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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