Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
