I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
