So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
