It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
