its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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