When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
