Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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