in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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