1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
