i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
