From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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