Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
