About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
