he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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