Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
