Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
