i jhust puked up my retainher.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
