I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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