And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
