shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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