I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
