Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
