she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
