I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
