I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
