Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
