I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
