At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
