if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
