And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
