Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
