So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
