why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
