make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
