Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I look better un-naked...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
