A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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