sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
