I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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