I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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