all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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