so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
