If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
