He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
