Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
