so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
