Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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