Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
