Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
