Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
