I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
