The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
