u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
