there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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