He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
