I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
